In transition

LittleFoodies

I was sent this link by a non-blogging friend, a little scary, but they do exist. This blog is full of kid tested recipes, with pics. The recipes look outstanding and healthy. I’m always looking to expand my repertoire and most of these look adult friendly, too. The unconfirmed rumor is this mama will be publishing a toddler cookbook. Check her out.

Is it OK if I don’t like anyone, not even my own flesh and blood, at five-thirty in the morning?

I love the still, quiet of the house before anyone is awake.

I enjoy my daily stumble to the coffeemaker.

I like the fact that my husband leaves quickly.

Lately things have been different the sound of my eyelids opening seems to wake up the boys. Typing has been out of the question, not that it really matters, since I’ve been in a state of limbo, just waiting to hear about the job. I’m not sure what has been different with my husband, either. He used to scoot out the door at 5:30 on the dot. Now he sits and sometimes plays WoW until 6:15. I stand there and glare at him; I know he can feel it. Internally I selfishly chant, “It’s my time! Go to work!”

Today has been different. I was able to soothe the baby back to sleep; while I was doing so, Tim quietly left. The rain is falling, the fire is burning, my coffee is strong, and the house is quiet. Today will be good.

What I did on Friday.

Sorry the pic isn’t great. I blame Tim.

I heard from my possible future employer, last Wednesday. They have decided to undergo some restructuring which may open up “additional employment opportunities.” The e-mail stated they are putting the hiring process on hold for thirty days and those of us who submitted applications should be patient.

I’m trying.

I’m really trying.

I took these on Saturday, just getting around to posting them.

I have not spent a lot of time discussing this side of my life, so I’m clumsy and not as articulate as I’d like to be.

I carry my guilt. It is not how we are supposed to live, but I am fallible, so very human. Sometimes I see myself as carrying a bag; in it are my hopes, dreams, and memories. As I wander down the road of life I pick up the stones that cause me to stumble. Some nights I sift through that bag and while each stone is insignificant the burden of the collection is staggering.
I was raised Catholic in a semi-practicing household. Confession was a part of my life, a time where I could sift through that bag and leave my burden at God’s feet. When I was sixteen I went through the process of Confirmation. As the time drew near for me to tell the bishop and the church that I was an adult, I realized I was not ready. I told my father I did not want to receive the sacrement because I lacked faith. That was the biggest fight I’ve ever had with him. It ended with my father saying I would never leave the house if I did not go through with the ceremony.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Catholic faith there are two types of sins mortal and venial. Mortal sins are exactly what they sound like, death for the soul; they are conscious sins of a grievous nature. Venial sins are our small, unconscious sins of every day life. In my eyes, when I stood in front of the congregation and spoke to the bishop, it was not a small sin; it was a conscious decision to lie. I lied publicly and directly to God. I didn’t pick up a small stone that day, it was a tremendous boulder. The weight of the transgression caused me to stop attending Mass and I certainly could not face a priest for Confession, after all I had just lied to the bishop. As is the nature of things, the boulder slowly sank into the bag, slipping to the bottom, buried under my smaller failings. I slowly became accustomed to the burden. In my heart the event was a place I never looked. Years passed and life with it. I never knew it, but my vision of God was warped. God is described as our Heavenly father and my earthly one twisted the metaphor. He does not measure us by our failures.
The past few years have brought about great changes in my life. I have been experiencing spiritual growth, but with it comes pain as old wounds are opened to allow healing. I surprised myself, recently, by talking about my Confirmation and breaking down in tears as I tried to explain how hard it had been to stand in front of God and everyone and lie. I discussed the event with several people, one of whom suggested I speak to a priest. There is a chance that my Confirmation may be invalid, as it was performed under duress. Part of me whispers, you could have stood up to your father, but that part is slowly being smothered as I learn to quit expecting perfection from myself. I was a child and had to obey. The knowledge that my slate may yet be wiped clean, even in the eyes of the Catholic Church helps me to lift the burden from my shoulders. I am setting this millstone down. With strength renewed I am standing a little straighter and walking a little taller.

I still find this funny. (The noise is my neighbor’s lawnmower.)

With the news seeming to devote more and more time to crime perpetuated by teenagers and parents demanding that “something be done” the point of this story baffles me.

Teen Questioned on MySpace Bush Threat

She posted a picture of the president, scrawled “Kill Bush” across the top and drew a dagger stabbing his outstretched hand. She later replaced her page on the social-networking site after learning in her eighth-grade history class that such threats are a federal offense.

On Friday, the teenager said the agents’ questioning led her to tears.

She committed a federal offense. Yes, she’s a teenager and no she did not have the capability to carry out the act, but shouldn’t there be some repercussions for the act?

She cried? Good.

Bush Secret Service MySpace

No one will ever question my son’s paternity.

*update* click on the pic to play the video.

It is still far too early in the testing to be confident in the results, but it is nice to imagine the future.

Hay Fever Vaccine

In a trial to test the safety of the vaccine, 20 volunteers, aged between 18 and 65 years, with mild-to-moderate allergic rhinitis, or hay fever, and mild asthma due to house dust mite allergy were vaccinated.

Several weeks after being vaccinated, 17 patients were completely tolerant to the mites, showing no allergic reactions, two showed big improvements, while one failed to turn up for the tests.

Eight months on from these first assessments, the 19 patients are still showing a 100-fold improvement in tolerance to dust mites.

OK, it’s not life saving, but it is life altering. In my own life I’ve lost many productive hours to allergies or to the effects of OTC treatments. I’ve been considering the immunotherapy course, but it is very time consuming. It is nice to think my kids might not have to deal with the aggravation. Who knows, maybe in ten years I might be able to safely visit cat people.