Nothing but a disappointment

That’s all I am, to my father. I’m upset, not because he thinks this, but because I allow it to hurt me. He just can’t stand the fact that I didn’t finish college. He hates that I’m a girl and he hates that I’m capable of rational thought.

He called, last night. Ostensibly, it was to see how everyone was. In reality, I think he was worried that things are going well for me and he just has to rain on my parade. He’s been like this my whole life. I do love him, but there are times when I just wish he’d go away. He did everything in his power to sabotage my college career, but when I finally decided another aspect of my life was more important, I became the subject of disdain.

For instance, last night we were discussing the weather. Somehow or another it came up that I’m not turning on the air until May or so. He scornfully said, “like you pay the bills.” Apparently, because I chose to not be a teacher or nurse, like he wanted, my opinions and actions in my own house are worthless. I never wanted to be a teacher or a nurse. Back when I cared what he thought, I pretended I did, just so he would be proud of me.

In third grade he taught me to play chess. Rather than being proud that I was decent at the game, he would laugh at me when he beat me.

Now, if I have an idea or opinion and want him to accept it, I have to pretend as though my husband thought of it.

His mom stayed home with the kids.

Ask him how about how his other two children turned out.


#1 Kathy T. on 04.09.06 at 8:52 pm

I’ve been lucky that my Dad is supportive of my decisions. However, we sure don’t see eye to eye politically… we see snarl to snarl when it comes to that! Hang in there – you know you’re a wonderful, intelligent person! (PS – I found your site through Ivy).

#2 S-- on 04.09.06 at 10:57 pm

Heather, from what I know of you from reading your blog, it is his tremendous loss. Who knows what fears motivate him? A lesson I wished I’d learned much earlier than I did was to forgive my father (whether he deserved it or not) and then to recognize that I’m a really neat person to know.

#3 Joel Maners on 04.10.06 at 5:43 am

From what you’ve written I know that there is a big hole in your heart over this. I have heard it said again and again that there is no more important relationship in society that a girl with her father. I think about that every day. We men have a God given ability to bless with our words. We see this over and over again in the Bible with Jacob blessing his sons and Isaac blessing Jacob and Esau. We have to be careful with what we say and how we say it. I pray that you will somehow hear God braging about you and what you are doing with your life. You “long for a better place” for your family. Hebrews 11:15-17. You refuse to settle for less. Is there anything finer than that? God is not ashamed. He’s proud of you. Chew on that for a while.

#4 Kat Coble on 04.10.06 at 8:36 am

He just can’t stand the fact that I didn’t finish college.

Do we have the same father? Perhaps.

I know how you feel. Believe me.

#5 Sonia on 04.12.06 at 1:38 pm

Oh wow 🙁 It’s his loss, but yours as well unfortunately.

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