Did You Hear

Wednesday morning a chorus of angels broke out into the Hallelujah Chorus. I opened my eyes and listened to the strains of the hymn as it slowly dawned on me that I had not moved since falling asleep the evening before. It has been a very long time, years, since I have had the luxury of not being awoken in the middle of the night. Someone in the peanut gallery may say, “But you didn’t have children at the conference back in April!” Ah, that person has never been a nursing mother or they would know about having to pump thanks to being in tune with the baby’s cycle, even when said baby is ninety miles away.

For over five years I have been pregnant, nursing, or both. I am ready to have my body back and to move on to watching our family grow rather than actively fueling its growth. Ellie is weaning and only the tiniest part of me feels a touch of regret. The rest of me will dance out to the dumpster and gleefully throw away my nursing bras with their snarled elastic and bent hooks.

Please don’t misunderstand, breastfeeding is a beautiful thing. I am glad to have done this for them, but I’m also glad to have the freedom of once again belonging more to myself.